Waiting.

Going a bit crazy waiting to hear back from the literary agency - I know it could take a month or even two - but I just want to know!!!!!!
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Massive urge to start painting again - hmmm...I think I will work on that after the 10K training is over :)

OMG - how much can one country take?!?

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/africa/12/08/uganda.anti.gay.bill/index.html

Please read this and pray. I know that those of you who read this have varying views on homosexuality - but regardless this sort of proposed treatment is wrong! Death penalty if you have AIDS? Are you kidding me? What if a guy cheated on his wife and got AIDS and had then had sexual relations with his wife and then she got pregnant and the child had AIDS? I mean - it could happen - then does that mean the wife and the child are sentenced to death?

It is not okay to target a people group for jail terms and death sentences like this - it is just not right and I am asking that we all pray for God to heal this broken world and to be with the people of Uganda during this time.

Plans

Sean and I have been kicking a number of future plans around:

The Peace Corps
The JET program/teaching English in Japan
Moving to CO

I have decided that we can only research and prepare so far for these sorts of things and that it's time to pray for God's guidance. He knows where we should go and what we should do so we need to start relying on Him more. Please pray for us in this.
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I also have a desire to do the Aids Lifecycle, though I think I will hold off on doing it this upcoming year and set it as a goal for sometime in the future. I would have to raise $3000 and right now with Sean and I focused on saving money and whatnot - it is just not the best timing - but it is definitely something I want to do. www.aidslifecycle.org
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A literary agency asked to see my full manuscript after I sent them a query! Regardless of what happens from here - I am re energized with hope and motivation since this is the first response that does not resemble "no we're not interested." We'll see!

No Longer Waiting for life to get more adventuous...I am making it happen.

I realized today that life is too short to keep complaining that I don't have enough adventure in it. So I am making the adventure happen instead...I am doing things I would have never thought possible for me to do a year ago - I am setting goals I would have thought were unattainable a year ago - I am becoming the person I have wanted to be but always found excuses to not be. Life is just too short to not.
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The Dashboard Confessional concert was FABULOUS! It was awesome to see Chris Carrabba live and he sounded great! Not to mention the fact that he performed the three songs I was REALLY hoping he would :) I had such a great time!
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KOOZA was awesome too! We were in the second row from the stage and it was incredible to see the performers so close and performing such amazing feats. The show was great and full of heart racing moments, laughs and great imagination and music as I have only come to expect from Cirque de Soile. Jack and ate at Bubba Gump's before the show which was fun since I love fish & Chips and then it was just really cool to be at the show with him since we both first saw QUIDAM (our 1st Cirque show) together quite a while ago. It was slightly nostalgic in that sense.
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All in all it was a very eventful beginning to my week! I feel so fortunate - motivated - and joyful :)

Lifting weights...

I have officially paid off one of my credit cards and cut it up! It was at $4000 at it's highest (from buying a ticket to OR to be in my best friend's wedding, school expenses when family couldn't help with the bill and car maintenance coupled with some irresponsible spending). Feels SO good! WOOOHOOO!

Schtik...

So - my mom called on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday and let me know she's moving to Minnesota now - as a her "Plan C" apparently, though I am not sure what Plan B was since all I knew was Plan A was moving to Nor. Cal. and that fell through. We'll see how it goes I guess and if she moves this time. But she didn't have time to see me or make time to or whatever. So - I guess I will see her if she buys me a plane ticket to fly out and see her or something. Anyhow...

I participated in my first running race on the 28th - the Turkey Trot. I participated in the 5K length and finished in about 33 minutes which is great for me. It was funny because at the turnaround to come back to the finish line, I passed Michael Welch who plays Mike Newton in the Twilight Saga (he's one of the humans at Bella's H.S.). I had my ipod on and one of the soundtrack's songs had just come on and I turned my head to see who I was passing and saw him. I was like "Hey! I am listing to the Twilight soundtrack right now - fancy seeing you here!" He laughed and wished me luck. He passed me in the end in a sprint to the finish with his sister Sarah who ended up winning 3rd place in her age division...but it was just really random. I officially suck at running though.

Sunday the 29th was the Turkey Tri and Sean completing his first triathlon finishing 7th among the 20 competing in his group (the Clydsdales - 200+ lbs. men). I competed in a relay team with Angela (our friend from the rock climbing gym) and Arkady (one of her friends who also happens to a be an iron man a few times over). Angela was our runner and Arkady the biker with me as the swimmer. We were Team Turducken and finished in 2nd place out of 21 teams in the coed relay team category! Woohoo! If we would have communicated and thought through our transitions better - we might have won since we were only about 1 min. behind the leading team. But yay! We got a medal and everything :)

I am super sore - oh and I might have broken my big toe - xrays will be happening sometime this week! If it's in fact broken - this will be my first broken bone! LOL.

AHHHHH - that would be the sound of Sheena screaming into a pillow to vent frustration...

I am very thankful for my family and friends - love them dearly. I am confused and angry with my mother at the moment because I feel like she has cast off our relationship and friendship.

It's like she doesn't really want to see me or spend time with me. I am being stubborn in refusing to call her, but I feel like I at least deserve a phone call from her since she seems to only email me to break off our engagements - why can't she pick up the f-ing phone!?! It's frustrating and it's the principle of it all now that's keeping me stubborn. Maybe I should "be the better person" and call just to get everything straightened out. But I don't know how much more I can take.

For a lot of my life it has been her getting my hopes up and then letting me down and me trying so hard to impress her and make her happy and try to be everything I could be hoping that one day she would just be happy with me and stop messing it up. I love her so much- but she honestly makes it hard sometimes.

I want to talk to her about all of this but I feel like I would be a terrible person and she would hate me forever and then she would disown me like my dad did and I would be just me in my blood family.

I am scared.

Even though she has hurt me by not showing up at all the first time and then cancelling our second scheduled visit when I was going to drive to her because she was all of the sudden on some deadline to move (though she apparently didn't end up moving, so I have heard) - it's so hard for me to just give up on her like a lot of my family has. Maybe I am just being stupid and naive.

But it's like Jesus talks about the prodigal son in the Bible and all of the crap her did and said and then at the end, his father being there with open arms and a feast...should I be that father figure at the end? Or is there a point where some things never change and I need to re-analyze?

God help me in discernment with this because I have gotten feedback from some that lead me toward cutting ties and salvaging my emotional stability. I am torn. I am scared of what the outcome may be. I don't want to hurt her.

*Sigh*